as words are milked
from my laughing breast
so they are dedicated to her
she, the other woman
she, who’s sitting in the corner
of my mind’s womb
there she is
she crouches
she holds herself
tightly
I remember you
you’re a fucking liar
I am not in need –
I don‘t need your gaze
to validate my existence
I desire you
to invite me
to look at
you
I don‘t need you
to turn my silence
into anything other
than silence
I desire
to let my silence speak,
for all my words keep me
from touching your silence
I don‘t need you
to give me the space
that I need to breath
I need to talk –
I desire
to exhale and let
my breath
go
I don‘t need you
to call my name
I don‘t need you
to describe my being
as your words only conceal my body
words are jail houses unless they were built and defined by myself
I desire
to belong to myself
I don‘t need you to tell me where I belong
I desire
to follow my longings
I don‘t need you
to give me the space I need
to become myself
I desire to overcome myself –
I don‘t need you
to guide me into freedom
I don‘t need you
to explain to me the order and rules of this life
all tidiness fails due to stagnation
I desire
to hurl your rules in the yard
of your precious goddamn big house and
burn them and
dance and
sing all night
and even longer
(they already caught fire)
I don‘t need you
to light my fire
I don’t need you
to be passionate
I desire
to live in terms of Begehren
instead of Begierde
I don‘t need you
to teach me about radical love
it‘s an expression of cruelty
(I don‘t want you to want me to fight)
I desire
to love you
softly in the distance
I desire
to be a lover
a friend
a guardian
(a guardian)
I don‘t need you to define my limits
my own sense of shame and guilt are reminding me of my limits
reminding me of the limits you gave me
(as if I don’t belong to myself)
I desire
to tear these limits
and redefine them
I desire
to question my boundaries
I don‘t need you
to teach me about truth
my thoughts lie to me time after time –
I desire
to unlearn
and relearn
how to use
my senses
my skin
my flesh
my bones
my -
I don‘t need you
to teach me about life
your teaching
is a form of dying
you resist
to be alive
(I‘m already dead)
I desire
to come
alive
(I desire a prayer of revenge.)
